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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.