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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.