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Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.