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I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?