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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.