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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.