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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)