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Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
Gym update: not there
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"