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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?