Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.