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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.