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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.