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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut