Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.