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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds