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Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.