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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.