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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
It takes balls to be a man.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?