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To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.