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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?