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Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.