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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.