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that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.