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One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.