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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.