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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.