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If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.