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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Save water, shower together.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.