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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)