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7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.