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I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!