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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.