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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.