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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.