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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
How do nudist clean their glasses?
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here