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“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.