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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.