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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!