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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?