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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?