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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.