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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
I forgot to post this earlier
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.