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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.