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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.