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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.