Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."