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Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do