Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...