Daily Silly Status

Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.

[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"

Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.

So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable

Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"

My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.

My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.

If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?

It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.

I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.

I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.