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I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.