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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
I get my cardio from caffeine...
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
is ready to have one too many!