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The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.