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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Word for the day is asstard
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.