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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.