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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!