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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"