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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?