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if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !