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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch