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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...