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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!