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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume